by Rentia Lombard 

Introduction

Let’s start with a quick scenario, shall we? Think back to the last time you entered a room full of strangers: What was the first thing that caught your eye… Was it everyone’s faces? Or did you first check out what they were wearing ? Perhaps their hands or hair? Now, think of yourself in that moment: how did you feel as everybody’s gaze turned towards you….  Were you comfortable or uncomfortable? Maybe self conscious about your appearance? Or are you one of those people that just confidently stride into any room?

All these questions have one thing in common: it’s all connected to that moment when a human being sees another person.  In  1/10 of a second, our brains form an opinion of someone based on their appearance. Although we don’t want to “judge a book by its cover” some things just tend to influence our judgment of others. Everyone has a different lense through which they see other people – it’s shaped by our own experiences throughout life and makes us feel or react in certain ways in our thought patterns.

It doesn’t always have to be real life meetings, it can also be true for photo’s of other people – on screens, magazines, advertisements, videos. In the process of forming an opinion of someone, research shows that we also tend to compare ourselves to that person.

If we feel in any way inferior to the other person (ie if you think they are more beautiful, more successful, better built than you.. ) it has been shown to have a negative impact on your own mood and sense of self worth. When we focus on things like weight and someone’s physical  appearance – it can often make us feel dissatisfied with our own bodies, sending our thoughts in a negative spiral of being overly critical about our bodies.

Oh, and don’t forget how social media can pick up on what you are interested in and bombard you with more of the same photos and ads about weight loss, new exercise programs….  

If you:

• follow someone or something,
• like someone or something
• spend longer time watching a reel

..it gets taken up into the algorithms and your teens get even more exposed to these ideas and thoughts.

Unfortunately, some teens get so unhappy and in a place of desperation that they decide to do something drastic about it… Anything that can get them to look more like the perfect underweight models they see in all the ads! In a desperate attempt they get obsessed with losing weight and often start to cut back on calories…  food becomes the enemy and exercise can become an obsession.

Teens are at an age where they are most vulnerable to develop an eating disorder – and these disorders are unfortunately on the rise among our precious kids.

The most common type of Eating Disorders are: Anorexia Nervosa And Bulimia Nervosa.

According to the website Eating Disorder Hope :

Anorexia Nervosa (Anorexia = “Without Appetite”; Nervosa = nervous)

Individuals that have “ a significant and persistent reduction in food intake leading to extremely low body weight; a relentless pursuit of thinness; a distortion of body image and intense fear of gaining weight; and extremely disturbed eating behavior.

Bulimia Nervosa (Bulimia = ‘ravenous hunger’; Nervosa = nervous’)

Is an eating disorder characterized by episodes of binge eating 

that are followed by compensatory behaviors such as purging, fasting, and/or excessive exercise.

Signs to look out for:

It’s important that we as parents are aware of these dangers and keep our eyes and ears open to pick up on signs that your teen is possibly playing around with extreme ideas to alter their weight.
Unfortunately this isn’t always an easy task! People with eating disorders often try to hide these behaviors – so it’s not always so obvious. It is also important to remember: there is a period in a teens life where they might be self conscious about their changing bodies and might even talk about it out loud and comment on other people’s body shape…. So knowing your child will help in these moments to discern when their behavior is something to be worried about or just a phase they are going through.
According to HelpGuide.org here are some warning signs that you can look out for:

Source:https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder

Changes in their emotions and behaviors could also be experienced. They might also have a higher level of irritability, depression, anxiety and perfectionism with a heightened need for control.

Source: recovery.com

What to do when you suspect your teen has eating disorder

Having an open relationship with your teen is key to be able to have open and loving discussions around sensitive issues that you see as concerning. If you do suspect your teen is having more of an issue than meets the eye – follow this link and check out the section: How to talk to someone about their eating disorder for some gentle advice on how to approach the matter.

https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder

Please note that there could be instances where you would need to see a Doctor to make sure there aren’t any other medical emergencies that needs to be attended – like being dangerously malnourished or severly depressed or suicidal.
Other members of a team who can help you navigate this tricky time would include a dietitian who can help with nutritional counseling in a weight neutral setting and therapy in the form of counselors and psychologists that specialize in eating disorders.
Here are some other websites for support in South Africa:

• Eating Disorder South Africa: edsa.co.za
• Recoveryspace.org

How can parents help their kids to prevent these mindsets from creeping in

How do you talk about yourself or people around you? Do you find yourself commenting out loud about someone else’s appearance? Do you criticize yourself and how you look all of the time? Kids pick up on that.

It’s important that we encourage them to keep their bodies healthy through the foods they eat, being mindful and intuitive about their food and their body – giving it what it needs without feelings of guilt or self judgment.

You see – at the root of it is just your inner most longing to be accepted and to belong. But it shouldn’t drive you to such a place where you are harming yourself by with-holding proper nutrient rich foods.

Here are some positive ways to speak affirmations into your teens life that doesn’t always focus on their physical looks:

• Your body is made in such a phenomenal way!
• I like how you express yourself through your style.
• I love how you are authentically you.
• You see things with such a creative eye.
• I really enjoy spending time with you!
• I value your perspective

Source: empowerfulgirls.com

Keeping the focus on how their bodies function and all the amazing things that are happening inside beneath all the external outward appearance also plays a big part to help your teen develop a healthy relationship with their body and ultimately the foods they eat. Nutritious food should be championed, but a mindful intuitive eating approach is a gentle way to rather look at how the foods make you feel and be guided through these experiences on what to eat. Not a strict set of rules that places the number on the scale as your real worth.